Blames, Tears, and Regrets
by SaberAureum
Summary: A mishap on one of their night patrol, Raph, Don and Mikey were hit with a dart that rendered them to coma state. Leo, being the leader, blames himself for what happen. This self-blame ultimately turns into depression, he was left more broken than any other man nor turtle could. Can his brothers still help him pick up his broken pieces when they were literally worlds apart? ...
1. 01 The Inevitable Goodbye

**_Author's Note!_** If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and practically beg the creators of TMNT to at least make them humans. I still can't figure out why they had to be turtles, and their father a rat.

 ** _Disclaimer Notice!_** I disclaim the franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they belong to its respective owner. What I do own on the other hand, was the story twist I made. That's all.

 **BLAMES, TEARS, AND REGRETS**

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction

Chapter One

 **The Inevitable Goodbye**

Leo, Raph, Donnie and Mikey – the four turtle brothers, trained for greatness, thought to fight for the good - went on their usual patrol. When all of a sudden, foot ninjas emerged from the shadows, cornering them. Leonardo - their leader - though how strange it sounds, wanted to flee but fate forced them to stay and defend themselves. After hours of fighting endless stream of trained and skilled ninjas…

Mikey was first to go down, an odd kind of dart sticking out from his shoulder. Donnie was the second to fall, having stayed by his brother's side. Leo and Raph were the only ones left, fighting side by side.

Raph was almost finished with his share of enemies when a glint of metal flashed from a distant took his attention. His mind screamed one thought 'No! Leo!' He made a dash and tackled his brother to the ground. The dart hitting him instead.

Leo removed his body from under him and lay it gently with his two remaining brother. Karai grimaced as she failed to shot her target. She leaned the heavy gun on her shoulders, like a sack of rice and emerged from her shadows. Leo still has his back on them, as if daring them to break their honor attack him from behind. She snickered at that thought. She decided to taunt him.

"Look what we have here...only one turtle left..." She yelled out enough for all to hear. Leo slowly gripped his swords, his knuckles turning white. He turned around and faced them with his eyes still focused on ground. The tension grew as silence seemed to be the only one making a noise. Karai dropped the gun she held, and drew her swords prepared to for any attack. With one gesture from her, the remaining foot attack the remaining turtle.

A minute passed, and all of the foot who attacked him now lay unconscious to the ground. Karai felt fear crawl on her skin. She gulped as she stares at the eyes of the beast.

Leo stood there, his stance the same. His blue bandana swayed rhythmically to the gash of wind. His eyes showed to no mercy to whoever dared to attack his fallen comrade, his fallen brothers. His muscle tense and his senses high, allowing no room for further mistake.

A growl escape his mouth as he prepared yet for another attack. Karai found herself drawing closer to the edge, surprisingly afraid of attacking the creature. 'He's a monster!' Her mind screamed as her eyes wondered the bloody concrete. 'He killed them all...' With one gesture of her hand, she ordered the others to retreat.

Leo had long since prepared himself for a chase, wanting to satisfy his revenge. But a soft moan from own of his brother stopped him. He looked back, his eyes wide and full of horror.

The monster that once overcame him vanished within an instant. His once ferocious eyes reverted to its soft and forgiving ones. He kneeled down, his swords falling from his grip, and checked his fallen brothers.

As if feeling sympathetic on him, the rain suddenly poured down on the earth. Leo glanced up and stared at the black sky as droplets of water fell down from the sky. He poured out all his regrets and pain in one angst scream. He cried and let the rain shower his sins and pain. As if it would all go away.

He felt an arm shook him. "Raph! Raphie!" He heard his name being called. He gruffly sat up and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. A movement from his right draw his attention. He gazed at the said direction and saw his youngest brother staring at him. A loud growl escape him.

"What the shell? Mike!" He called out as the turtle stared at him, his eyes masked with worry.

Hearing his brother bickered at him, his worry flushed out. "Glad you're fine bro...Donnie's still in his dreamland" Mike complained as he pointed his finger at his back. Raph leaned and stared at the figure lying behind his youngest brother. "Shell...it's that Don?" He asked as he stared at the sleeping figure. He could see the soft rise and fall of its chest.

He stood up and walked to his brother. "Why didn't you wake him?" Raph asked as he looked curiously at his brother. "Uh...he looks like he needs it..." Mike replied shyly. "Need my ass..." Raph murmured as he shook his brother awake. Don's eyes slowly opened. He looked at Raph then to his younger brother. "Um..Raph? Mike?" He asked, trying to see if he was still dreaming or not. "Yeah it's me brainiac" Raph bickered as he glanced around. Don sat up and found himself scanning the surrounding too.

"Where the shell are we?" Raph voiced out the question that was running through everyone's head, well except probably for the cursing.

They seemed to be stuck inside a four-walled room with no window, door or whatsoever things a simple room should contain. They were only walls. They are trapped in an unknown territory with only walls to guard them.

Raph clenched his fist. He hates being trapped. Don and mike stood up and went to each of his side, as if saying to him that he wasn't alone of this thing. A smile found its way to his lips. Yes, his brother was with him and they will make their plan out. Speaking of plan? Wasn't that his older brother's forte?

"So what's the plan oh fearless one?" He asked out loud, waiting for his older to bicker back. But instead of yet another nasty comment, he was replied by silence.

"Ah...Raph you do realize that Leo's ain't here, right?" Mike asked, his voice sounded uncertain. Raph glanced around, looking for his brother. Don shook his head. "I wished this was just a dream..." He spoke, barely a whisper.

Suddenly, they heard a loud sound. It sounded like a sharp metal slicing an object. Their eyes widened. 'Leo!' Their thoughts were the same.

All of a sudden, the once dark room suddenly lit up. The wall collapsed and they end up in an endless oblivion. Everything was white.

Images started to shift around them, engulfing them in a bright light. As if hearing their wish, they were greeted by the sight they had longed for. There stood with his back faced against them, their older brother, the fearless leader - Leonardo Hamato.

They were in the dojo, and he seemed to be training with a dummy, well a sliced one. The upper half part of the dummy now lays beside it. The cut was neat, as expected from a master wielder of the sharp blades called Katana.

Raph gawked as he starred at the perfectly sliced figure. He doesn't want to admit it broadly, but he was always amazed on how his brother was so perfectly rhythmic with his swords - it was like his swords were his brother's other half.

His hand then found its ways to his sais, and a smirk showed on his face. 'Just like with mine...' He thought silently.

All of a sudden, they saw Leo tensed. Their senses immediately alerted as they tried to look for the enemy. 'No! Had they found the location of the lair?!' Raph panicked as his eyes scanned the room. 'How could they get pass through my system? My system?!' Don could feel anger radiated inside him. 'Dude...' Mikey could only think of one word.

Within a blink of an eye, Leo's sword swiftly moved so fast it's almost as if slicing the air itself, its tip pointing at the person he mostly felt threatened with...at the moment.

Raph's eyes widened as he looked at his brother. "Leo..." Mikey's voice was etched with worry too while Don's eyes flicker from Leo to Raph.

Leo's sword were directly pointed at his brother's neck. Raph could clearly see the sharp hilt of his brother's sword. He was too astonished he did not even noticed that he was holding his breath.

Leo's gaze was stern – the one look he only reserved for their enemies. Raph felt fear crawl within him. With the harsh training his brother had gone through since they were a child, plus the agility he was born with, he knew that one wrong move could take away his life and end up like the dummy his brother had been practicing with.

"Leo! What are you doing, dude!" Mikey's voice seemed on edge. He knew that Leo had some hatred towards his brother, with Raph had found it his hobby to defy everything Leo said, but he also knew that he doesn't loathe Raph enough to take away his life! Dude! They were brothers! And, aren't brothers suppose to protect each other? Why was he threatening him? His confusion had left him standing right there, his feet frozen, and his body immobilized.

Just like their youngest brother, Don too - being how observant he is - knew that he didn't hate Raph by heart. In fact, their eldest brother was the one with the biggest heart among them. Cause' no matter how serious trouble you've cause, he will always be the first to forgive you. He knew that hadn't change. Not until now...

As if sensing their distress, the fearless leader held down his sword and held his head with his other arm. "No..." He murmured to himself.

As soon as the threat diminished, Raph released the breath he had been holding. His eyes found its way to his brother. 'He seemed to be in...more pain?' He thought as he observed his brother. His hand unconsciously found its way to his neck. He could still feel the coldness of the sword in his throat. 'Why did he do that?'

Leo then placed his sword back at the rack and for a moment stared at it. He softly touched its blade, as if checking if they were alive and breathing.

"He always does that...I guess he really took great pride on wielding them" Don commented as he watch the scene he had seen for too many times. "Yeah..." Mikey agreed. Raph simply nod his head to imply his agreement.

Leo then turned his head and went towards the exit. Raph could clearly see the tears that fell down from his brother's cheek. The others didn't fail to notice it too.

Raph huffed his chest and stood tall, blocking the exit way. He had enough of his brother's acts and ways. He has to know the reason of those tears and why he decided to exhaust himself again. He has to know the reason behind all of it.

But in the middle of the way, Leo suddenly collapsed. His body suddenly became limp and crushed to the ground.

Out of instinct, Don immediately went to his brother's side eager to check up on him and probably scold him for exhausting himself, _again_. Not knowing that he couldn't do any of it.

'I needed to check on his pulse first' Don thought as he stretched his arm, attempting to feel the rhythmic beating of the eldest's heart. But when his finger reached the skin, he found it...dug deep in his body. 'What the shell?!' His mind screamed in panic.

Mikey saw his brother's startled look and had hoped for the worst. He immediately rushed to Leo's other side as if giving Don the silent message of 'I'll be here to assist you if you need any'.

Don shook his head. 'That's completely illogical!' He thought, trying to ease the confusion mixed with anxiety he felt. He decided to flip his brother over so he could properly see the damage on his body.

'Here we go!' He thought as he forced all of his energy at both of his arms attempting to flip his brother.

But his arms hadn't got into contact with his brother's, for instead, his arms passed through his brothers skin. His eyes widened as he saw his arms missing its three-fingered palm. Out of panic, he removed his arms and stared at it. It was still whole, no missing hands nor fingers. So, does that mean...

"Dude. Did you just pass through Leo like a ghost?" Mikey's voice was filled with mixed humor and worry. "That couldn't be, right?" Mikey said, assuring himself.

He closed his eyes and attempted to touch his brother too. His eyes widened when he saw his hand pass through his brother as well.

"No..." A simple word of denial escape him. "Mikey! Mikey!" Don yelled his younger brother's name, attempting to snap him out of his shock all the while trying his best to control his ever growing fear too.

A soft growl snapped them out of their thoughts. They saw Leo waking up, his right hand clenched at his throbbing head. "What the shell..." He murmured as he slowly tried to get up, all the while swaying as fatigue caught up with his strength.

He slowly walked to the exit. Raph's mouth gap as he saw his brother walking to him, not even stopping to even glance up at him. His eyes, half open, was still glued to the floor. He stretched his arm, attempting to stop his brother...

But his brother just passed through him, ignoring his whole presence. Wait. Did I just said...through? As if he wasn't even there to begin with.

Raph, Mikey and Don threw each other shocked glances. Their minds still trying to process the simple occurrence.

"Did Leo just pass through us?" Raph voice was filled with confusion, his mind full of unanswered questions.

"When...are we transparent?" Don asked as he stared as his hands. His mind is trying to believe what was logical. But with the past kept replying what had transpired earlier, his thoughts swirled as it fought with each other.

Mikey's statement made it even more confusing. And even though they refuse to believe it, it was the most logical explanation yet.

"Dude...did we died? Are we...ghosts?"

 **NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW!**

 _"I still can't believe were ghost.." Mikey all to louder proclaimed as he sank into the chair. "Me too. I mean, if were really dead, why stay here?" Donnie agreed. He was not a believer of supernatural things,but when science can't explain things, people need something firm to believe in._

 _"Maybe...we're here to haunt Leo or something..." Mikey said as he makes gesture of ghosts. Donnie sighed, perhaps it was them having each other that prevented them from breaking._

 _"Yeah...mike" Donnie flashed his brother one last smile before closing his eyes and attempting to sleep._

NEXT CHAPTER! CHAPTER TWO – **THE ENCOUNTER WITH THE DEAD**

 **Author's Note!** Have no fear, there is no character death involved, if there would be, you'll see warnings. I didn't have any, right? Oh dear, was that a spoiler? Anyhow, all questions shall be sooner. Do leave some review. Thanks.


	2. 02 The Encounter with the dead

**_Author's Note!_** Ok, so here's chapter two! Don't worry if there situation doesn't make sense now, it will make sense in the future. J

 ** _Disclaimer Notice!_** I disclaim the franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they belong to its respective owner. What I do own on the other hand, was the story twist I made. That's all.

 **BLAMES, TEARS, AND REGRETS**

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction

Chapter Two

 **The Encounter with the Dead**

 _"Dude, we aren't dead right?"_

 _"Guys, I don't really believe in ghosts. So Mikey, I still firmly believe that this is just a misunderstanding...perhaps we are inside some kind of dome"_

 _"Dome? Donnie why would we be inside a dome?"_

 _"I don't know Mikey"_

 _"But Donnie, you're the genius! Shouldn't you-"_

 _"I am a genius, yes I'm very flattered by your choice of words, mike but that doesn't mean that I knew everything!"_

 _"I miss Leo..."_

 _"We all do mike..."_

 _"Ye' better shut your mouth, cause if Leo ain't here, then I'm in charge"_

'I must have been dreaming...' Leo's voice cut of the heating argument between the three turtles. They stole each other a glance before focusing their gazes on one resting turtle on the couch.

Mikey was the first to react as he immediately went to his eldest brother's side and leaned his head on the couch's head, a few inches away from his brother's body. "Dude...did you heard us?" He asked with his oh-so-innocent voice that could even match up that of a barely five years old child.

'I've hearing...voices?' Leo's voice echoed around the room. "Oh right! We're Jedi! We could read his thoughts!" Mikey pointed exclaimed while pointing excitedly at the mouth of their eldest brother. After hearing his brothers voice, he had observed very closely the mouth of his brother. And he had proven himself yet again of a marvelous discovery, as he had found his mouth unmoving even after his second speech.

"That was one hell of a technique we got...eh, eh?" Mikey said poking Raph's shoulders. "Shut up mike. Bet ya' didn't realize what it proves us eh?" Raph smirked as he stared at the confused stare of their little brother. "As expected, you're as air headed as always..." Ralph smirk grew wider.

"Ralph, please stop..." Donnie pleaded as he crunched his growing headache. "It won't make a difference if you two fight again..." He said, voice so soft it could be mistaken for a whisper. "Look who sounded like Leo" Ralph commented back. Donnie, being as the third most patient member of their clan, the first being their master and the second was of course Leo, simply shrugged the comment off. 'It won't heal this throbbing headache anyway...' He whispered to himself.

"What's that bro? Scared?" Ralph couldn't help but to snicker back. Darn! Why did they had to be a ghost? Now, he couldn't argue with his older brother. Speaking of their older brother...he had been lying there for a while now.

After the incident back in the dojo, Leo had ran off to the kitchen, probably to soaked his face to wash of the fatigue, then laid down on the couch. They were all too shocked at that time, their feet seemed to have collided with the floor they couldn't find the force to move. They didn't got the chance to follow their eldest on his quest to the kitchen.

Only when they had finally calm down and Mikey's conclusion sank in, had they gotten the resolution to leave the dojo and look for their brother.

It had not been so long when they found him, considering that he was simply resting at the couch. After that...

"I still can't believe were ghost.." Mikey loudly proclaimed as he sat down on the floor. "Me too. I mean, if were really dead, why stay here?" Donnie agreed. He was not a believer of supernatural things, but when science can't explain things, people need something firm to believe in.

"Maybe...we're here to haunt Leo or something..." Mikey said as he makes gesture of ghosts. Donnie sighed, perhaps it was them having each other that prevented them from breaking.

"Yeah...mike" Donnie flashed his brother one last smile before closing his eyes and attempting to sleep.

All of a sudden, they heard a deep growl echoing through the silence of the lair. Donnie and Mikey's eyes flashed to their older brother Raphael thinking that it was one of his famous beast-like growling he emitted whenever he felt disturb or he angry. Like a beast warning others to stay out of the hell before he lashes to them merciless for disobeying his heed.

But they were surprised to see him, eyes widened, and shock as well. His mouth was slightly agape as his eyes darted from Michaelangelo and Donatello - his two younger brothers.

The growl grew louder as they saw their eldest shifting his position, trying to find the most comfortable position in the small cushion. Mikey chuckled.

"If he's so uncomfortable in sleeping in there, why don't he just sleep in his bed?" He voiced out his thoughts, loud enough for the others to hear. Raph snickered. "I don't know. Leo's always the weird one, remember?" He joked. Donnie opened his eyes to steal a peek at his two laughing brothers. 'Oh, Leo I wished you could see this ..' Donnie thought.

As if hearing his words, Leo's eyes snapped open. He growled as he forced himself to sit despite the throbbing pain in his head and numbness he felt in his body.

He shook his head as if trying to dug deep whatever is bothering him. Donnie don't know why, but Mikey's eyes suddenly sparked brightly. He only does that when he found out something very clever.

"Dudes! Did you just heard us?!" Mikey's voice was frantic. He desperately seeks for an answer and at the same time he's afraid of finding it out. His brother's knew him as the optimistic one. Though, in every good side, their's an evil counterpart. He's the most happy-go-lucky person (turtle) you'll ever met, but at the same time, he had this darker side. If faced with a trouble, he always fears for the worst.

Leo shook his head, confirming Donnie's thoughts. Leo still couldn't see nor hear them. Why did they have to be invisible?

"Hey! Fearless!" Seeing Mikey's down mood, Raph tried to get Leo's attention too. It really pains him to see Mikey that way.

But instead of improving his mood, he only made it worst. Leo clenched his head and stood up. He unconsciously passed through Raph. Raph's eyes widened in shock as he saw his brother passed through him. Mikey's face turned into a scowl as he watched what had transpired. Donnie's mood turned sour. He really didn't want another reason to justify Mikey's claim that they had turned ghosts.

He was currently imagining scenarios that ranges from being captured and brought to their enemy's base, strapped to a table with weird wires connected to their heads making them dream things like this to being wrapped through some dimension that contains characters that looked and act like them. But what he has yet realize, that reality was a mixture of the two.

"Leo! Leo I'm talking to you!" Raph's voice could be heard even from a distance. He was following Leo to the kitchen. Donnie and Mikey sworn they could see steams radiating from him.

"Don't you think this was an awfully familiar scene?" Mikey joked, trying to lift up the mood. Donnie smiled at him and decided to play along. "Yeah. But, their roles were now reversed..." Both of them chuckled.

Since they turned teens, this kind of scenario was a daily occurrence at their lair. But instead of Raph fuming and following Leo, it was Leo who was following Raph, lecturing him along the way.

"Leo! Hey! What the shell Leo! I know you can f*cking hear me!"

"Oh no, Raph was getting more frustrated he's using cursed words!" Mikey said, with fake panic. Donnie shook his head and sighed. Now that he noticed it, he had been sighing most of the time!

Leo stopped in his track. Raph snickered as he noticed Leo halted. 'Finally...' He thought as he stared smugly at him.

Leo turned to him, his eyes closed. 'I...sensed something..' They heard his voice loud and clear, echoing through the silence of the lair.

Mikey's eyes brightened as he rushed to Raph's side all the while calling Leo's name. "Leo! Leo! Were here!" He yelled frantically.

But, the hope Raph built immediately vanished as Leo shook his head and turned back to the kitchen counter. He started watching the dishes.

Raph and Mikey stood there in shock. Their hopes crush down like a shattered glass. Donnie shook his head, stood up, and walked towards his two brothers. "Come on..." He encouraged them and practically dragged them. He then noticed Mikey loosed on his grip.

He turned around and saw his younger brother peeing through an opened door. "Du-dudes!" Fear was evident on his voice. Donnie and Raph to his side and started peeping to in the gap in the door.

They saw flashes of green.

Money gulped, different dark thoughts started rooming at his head. 'Oh darn head, why do you have to be darn creative?' Mikey knew how that his brother was a very bad influence. Shell! He was actually cursing through his thoughts. If Leo could hear his thoughts, he's pretty sure he'll have to suffer an hour of endless lecturing plus Master Splinter's mad training reserved for those who disobey. His brother, Raphael, was a regular at that so he now finds it a child's thing.

Back to the current situation...

"I couldn't see!" Raph screamed as he fought his way to the front. The three brothers shuffled to get all of them to have a fair share of view. "Wait! Why couldn't we just open the door?" Probably tired of fighting his way to the front, Mikey suggested something nice. Raph and Don stared at him like he had grown a second head. "Mike! I can't believe it! You're a genius!" Don yelled, he sounded really surprised.

Mikey was confuse if he should feel flattered or not, not with his brothers shocked expressions. "Hey...I have my moments..." Mikey replied shyly.

"Let's get this over with" Raph said as he exercise his knuckles. Both of his younger brother nodded, earning him two more agreements.

Raph nodded before turning his full attention at the knob. He felt a little tingly feeling at the pit of his stomach. He decides to shrug it off thinking that it was nothing. He grabbed the knob and twisted it. Well, the better word should be...attempted.

He can grip the handle but he didn't have the strength to twist it. Lack of strength, or rather lack of capability to do so.

Donnie stared at his brother in shock. He just discover something greater from it. While Raph and Mikey kept going on with the knob, his mind kept on formulating plans and explanations based on the observed date he just gathered.

"Wait..." His words halted the two. "Did you guys just saw what happened?" Donnie asked, his tone rising with each passing words. His was like that when he desperately needs someone to talk smart with. Too bad, Leo ain't with them.

"Raph! You didn't pass through the door! You basically can handle the knob!" Donnie said, his tone didn't change one bit. He pointed at Raph, encouraging him to say something. "Ah...yeah that's a given..." Raph could only mutter back. Anger lingered within him as he stared at his brother. He hated him when he talked science, he's not like him, he can't understand anything but English.

"Guys! Have you already forgotten what happened with Leo?!" His tone sounded a little bit higher. Why can't his brother get the memo? Just how slow are them? He desperately wish for his leader now. Somehow, when he's in this state, only the leader could practically caught up with him.

"Okay. I'll narrow it down for you two" Donnie said with an exasperated sigh. "When he tried to touch Leo, we passed through him and he passed through us just the same. But look what he happening to us now? We can't passed through the doors, we didn't sink from the floor and we basically can sat on the chair! Raph! You could even grip the handle! Can't you see what I'm saying?!" Donnie asked, his grin growing wider. Mikey assumed that it was a good discovery considering how wide Donnie's smirk had grown. "So...in other words..." Mikey said, grinning widely too.

"We aren't ghosts! We didn't die!" Upon hearing the words didn't and die, Mikey couldn't handle it anymore and threw himself on Donnie. They both landed in the ground with a thud. Raph stared at them, his eyes wide, as his mind started to process whatever ideas Donnie had said.

After their fall, laughter soon followed. Mikey hugged his brother tighter. "Oh! Don! I'm so glad you're so smart!" Mikey said, his heart full of new found hope. Donnie laughed then pointed at the ground. "Did you feel it too? Mikey! Gravity still applies for us! That means we don't have any soul-like ability found in ghosts!" Donnie added as he smirked. Mikey nodded too as he helped his brother stand up.

"Sorry to ruin your hope. But that doesn't change the fact that Leo still can't see nor hear us..." Raph said, explaining their problem in the first place.

Don heaves a heavy sighed. "I knew...I still couldn't figure out that part" he said. Raph heard the almost depressing and regretful tone in his voice. He gritted his teeth. "Way to ruin the moment, Raph" he thought to himself.

Luckily, they still had their little brother who seemed to have a talent on lightening up any dark moods. "Well, it still a good thing to know we ain't dead yet" he was grinning from ear to ear.

All of a sudden, he saw his big brother emerged from within him, or more like walked passed through him - like a ghost. Mikey shook his head. 'No we aren't dead yet...' He tried to repeat to himself over and over again just to push whatever dark thoughts that kept on building inside his imaginative head _._

 _"Focus on the present.."_ Leo taught him that part. He remembered one time when he was so lost in his thoughts that he began to fail the training their master was giving on them. He was bothered by a past mistake on that time, still stuck in the past. His brothers tried to cheer him up, but only Leo's words get pass through him.

 _"Don't let yourself linger in the past. Stay focus and live the present..."_

So, Leo...why can't you remember your own words?

Leo stood there, in front of the three turtles, gaze focus on the small gap between the door and the wall. His three brothers prayed for him to open it but seeing the hurtful look on their eldest brother made them think otherwise. Somehow, a part of them kept on insisting that its better of it they don't know the truth. Maybe by then, they don't have to worry about other things.

Leo shook his head, his body tensed as he slowly gripped the knob. 'I...need to see them. Come on Leo! You could do this' Leo's word rang through their ears.

'We still got to figure out how he does that...' Donnie made himself a mental note.

Leo's knuckles cracked as his grip tightened. His body slightly shaking as multiple emotions sweeps inside him. Instinct probably got the best on him as Raph went to his brother's side placing his hand above his brothers as if showing his support. A small but genuine smile made its way on Raph's lips. "It's okay if you don't want to...we will...understand" his words were spoke with a soft voice it was almost a whisper. Mike and Don looked at him in awe. This was sure a rare moment. Or more like "Kodak moment" as Mikey liked to describe.

'No. I need to do this...' Leo's thoughts shook the three turtles. It was as if he heard what Raph had said! It felt like Ralph's words reached him!

 _Had it really?_

Leo took small steps as he opened the door of Donatello's laboratory. Unbeknownst to him, three turtles were following him from behind. Eyes wide in horror as they tried to engulf the scenery they saw before their eyes. On word rang through their heads. One word. They thought of only one word.

"Shell..."

 **Author's Note**! If you guys didn't know, the word 'shell' was the turtles' version of cursed words like shit or f*ck. But I guess that fact was unnecessary, isn't it?


	3. 03 Focus on the present

**_Author's Note!_** Ah, my third chapter. I hope this doesn't end up in tragedy. *evil smirk* Do leave a review.

 ** _Disclaimer Notice!_** I disclaim the franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they belong to its respective owner. What I do own on the other hand, was the story twist I made. That's all.

 **BLAMES, TEARS, AND REGRETS**

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction

Chapter Three

 **Focus on the Present**

Leo stopped at the doorway, his hand still gripped tightly on the knob, his heart seemed to stop as his breathing seemed to halt as well. He had seen this scene before, even familiarized himself with it, but still every time he went through that door, he still had some difficulty accepting it.

It...

 _His fault..._

He could feel tears forming at the corner of his eyes as he stared at the scene which looked awfully familiar with the dramas he saw on TV.

 _So, this is why the characters always tear up when they saw it._ Now, he knew what they feel. Cause now, he felt it first hand...but the pain seems doubled. Tripled.

He watched as the monitor which dictates his brother's life make an up and down movement and emits the sickening 'beeping' sound. The only thing that ensures him that his brothers were still alive. That he hasn't failed them...too much.

The tears that wailed up in his eyes cascaded down as his emotions kept on building up. The guilt he felt was too much! Too much, that he fell to his knees in desperation.

 _It was his fault, all his fault._

 _If he hadn't..._

 _If he had been much stronger...then!_

He hugged himself, his body shivering from too much emotion mixed with the coldness of the night.

Tears continue to fall down from his cheeks. He whined and cried, trying to force out all his emotions.

 _It was all my fault. I had brought them this._

He stared at the ground. He felt his body goes numb. The pain in his head came back, doubled. It was probably brought up by his lack of sleep - his self-inflicted punishment.

How could he even sleep? Ever since the night he brought his fallen brothers home, he was always tormented by nightmares created by his mind. No, not nightmares. They were too real to be a dream. They were his memories.

 _It should be me..._

"It should have been me..." He mouths those words silently. He should have been the one lying down on the table with wires injected at him, hanging for his life. It should have been him, instead of his three brothers.

He slowly stands up, forcing his numb and pained body to stand up and maintain his balance. He took small steps and walked at the middle of the room.

His three younger brothers were lying on each separate makeshift bed, forming a line. A heart beat monitor was located at the upper right corner of the room, strapped at each of his brothers. Three lines rhythmically beat; three lines, three lives.

On each side of the bed was dextrose, something that ensures the health of his brothers.

He stared at the limp figures of his brothers. They have bandages covered mostly of their body, some slices here and there, marks that reminds him of his mistake.

Luckily for him, their Master and their friend - April and Casey - were there to help him stitch and heal his brothers. He had carried them all three back home, he didn't even know how he managed to do that, he just remembered being so exhausted that calling for his master's name can be perfectly compared to acquiring someone's attention while staying under water.

But, he managed...lucky for him.

He sighed and decided to leave the room. He could not take it any longer. He could not endure the seeing his brothers waiting for fate to make decisions for them.

How could he take in the sight of his brothers suffering when he knew he took part in inflicting it on them.

 **Flashback, 24 hours ago**

Raph, Don, and Mikey were already preparing for their upcoming night patrol. Everything was as planned. They'll watch over the city for five hours, training along the way, then they'll went to a story to buy pizza and grab some movie along the way, and lastly they'll have a marathon since Master Splinter will leave the lair for two days vacation which translates into Mikey's words : no training for two days.

Oh, how Mikey had dreamed of that day. All was going well, until Leo decided to say something that practically shattered and shredded his whole plan for the night.

"I don't think we should go out guys..." He sat at the cushion, with his arms folded in front of him. He was staring at the turned off television set, as if on deep thought.

Raph was the first to react. "Pfft. Frightened as a kitty are we?" He challenged his brother. Leo shook his head and Raph growled seeing Leo's lack of better cunning response.

"I had...this odd feeling that something...might go wrong," Leo said as he stood up and stared at his three younger brothers.

Mikey and Donnie's eyes widened. "Maybe...we can skip the whole patrol fight and just grab the pizza and movie instead?" Mikey asked in desperation, he just wanted to spend some _quality_ time with his brothers. 'Please…Leo…' he silently pleaded.

Leo looked worn out, but his decision was firm. "No. I don't think going topside will do us some good. We are to stay here. We'll postpone the movie night for later days" Leo stated his plan for all of them to hear.

Mikey looked torn and hurt. He had been meaning to do this for days! It was very rare for Donnie to agree and it was even rarer to make Raph do so. Leo was okay, as long as he hasn't caught his nose between a book. "Argh, Leo why now?" He asked, his voice sounded defeated.

Raph huffed. "Tss. Come on guys, Leo's just being his paranoid self..." To Mikey's ears, Raph sounded very convincing. Donnie ruffled through his gadget, typing random number and letter combinations. "And...there's no report of any upcoming storms not rains. We'll be fine Leo" Sweet! Donnie was with him too! Mikey was overjoyed. All they need was a little push and he's pretty sure that Leo would given in.

"Come on big bro...please" Mikey gave his cutest puppy-pleading eyes to his eldest brother.

Leo signed as Mikey grin in satisfaction.

"Guys, please don't do this. I really don't want...us...to go topside tonight," Leo said, looking really defeated.

Raph scowled. 'Oh no! Not another fight!' Donnie and Mikey's thoughts were surprisingly similar.

"Well, if you really don't want to. Then don't come with us!" Raphael said in his most Brooklyn accent. Leo opened his mouth to retort something back, but he immediately closed it again when his mind stop processing cunning replies. Oh, how bad he wanted to give Ralp a good old lecture but his mind seemed to stop.

"You know what. I'm going to bed. If you still insist then you go. I'm not holding any responsibility on this" it was really rare for Leo to back down on their fight with Ralp, but it was even rarer to hear those words from him.

'Does that mean he don't care about us anymore?' Mikey thought as he looked at his older brothers. His eyes caught Donnie. As if reading his thoughts, Donnie shook his head and gave him a warm smile as if letting him know that everything is alright and Leo still cares them. He's just tired. That's why.

Silence filled the lair as the eldest and his immediate younger brother stare at each other.

It was only when Master Splinter entered the room that the tension grew thin. "Leonardo! My sons, what is happening in here?" Splinter said as he walked to them, a cane in his hand helping him walk more easily.

Leo suddenly found the floor more interesting to stare into. Mikey desperately went to his father's side, held on his arm and practically explained what had happened all the while begging him to convince Leo to go topside.

Splinter looked at his worn out son then back to three brothers. He does not want to see them split like this. He also doesn't want to favor any of his sons, but he had no choice on this matter. He had to choose, and he had hoped it would be for the best.

"Leonardo..." Upon hearing his name, Leo turned his gaze at his father, silently begging him to choose him. Splinter shook his head as he felt the discomfort radiating from his eldest. "Leonardo, you know I had appointed you as the leader of this team, and a great leader does not abandon his comrades in desperate need..." He half scolded his son.

Leo looked downcast. "But, Master Splinter, I really think we shouldn't - plus! It doesn't look important to me" Leo said, proclaiming his thoughts on that matter. Donnie's eyes widened. He never thought that an argument could actually happen between his eldest brother and their master. Leo had been the only one who he never seem to disobey direct orders.

"It does to your brothers" Master Splinter injected. To further prove his point, he gesture at Mikey who looked like a puppy begging his master for food and attention.

Leo shook his head. "But…"

It was the last straw. Master Splinter made his way towards his eldest and placed his hand on his shoulders, providing him some comfort. "Look my child. I shall stay here for today and postpone my leave tomorrow so you shall not be worried too much. I trust you son to lead your brothers to safety" Master Splinter's voice was so soothing Leo couldn't help but to agree.

"I understand…" Leo said as he sheaths his Katana. Mikey literally beamed with joy. He jumped up and down, grabbed Leo's arms and dragged him outside. Raph was still fuming with anger, being as who he is, but he had somewhat calmed down when he saw the wide grin of their youngest. Donnie followed suit, after rechecking his weapon. He mouthed a soft thank you to their father before leaving the lair. Splinter waved them off goodbye, a smile on his face. Perhaps he had made the right decision on this one.

As Leo found himself dragged by his hooping little brother, he couldn't stop the small smile that appeared on his face. The worry he had once now disappeared as he tried to focus and enjoy the night with his brothers.

The trip had been going well, too well. In fact they hadn't saw any members of purple dragons nor of the foot clan since they went topside. No other crimes were also committed too. It was _too_ well and good to be true that Leo feared that it might be the one they called _'calm before the storm'_. He does not like this. The feeling he had earlier came rushing back in. Imaginary scenarios flashed in his mind like a river flowing in an endless stream. They _had_ to leave. He had to make it back to the lair with his brothers. That's the only way to calm his nerve.

"Guys, that's enough. Were going back now," Leo said, his tone was like that of a commander forcing his comrades to retreat. Raph gritted his teeth, showing no sign of obedience. "No way fearless leader. I ain't leaving here. We just got here. I need some thugs to defeat _mercilessly_ " unlike Leo, Raph's way of calming himself was fighting off some random enemy and beating them to pulp. Why do you think he always goes topside, huh?

He had been fueled by anger after their argument back in the lair. He had to release some of it or he'll never be calm again.

As if on cue, ten foot ninja appeared out of nowhere and circled the brothers. This brought out a very wide grin on Raph's face. He looked back and forth at each ninja and speculated what kind of beating each of them would get.

"This ones prettt easy, Leo. Why don't you give this one to me. Payback for being such a prick" Raph said, a glint of pride and happiness in his eyes. Ten foot ninja was not that much but he thought it will suffice.

He looked at their eldest and was surprised to see him wide eyed and his body tensed. "What the hell? Leo!" He screamed. Fortunately for him, it made Leo snapped out on whatever derange he had gotten lost into. He clenched his head and gestured for him to continue.

"Stay back, got it?" He turned to his two younger brothers, warning them to stay out of his way. The two younger brothers nodded their head, still confused on why Leo was acting the way he was.

This time, Raph lashed at their enemies with a satisfying grin. Not only did he have the freedom to fight them mercilessly, he was also saved from another Leo-lecture when they got back. Oh, this day was surely perfect!

He jumped from one foot to another, his grin getting wider and wider as he lashed his angry on the now bleeding ninjas on the ground. "That's what you get, fools" Raph laughed maniacally as he saw the last foot fell on the ground.

Meanwhile, Leo was still having trouble with himself. Something inside him screamed that they should head out, now, as in now. That they should ignore those foot ninja and just head home, were they would be _safe_. It screamed to him that this was a trap and something worse would come crashing down from the sky, suffocating them and killing his brothers in an instant. Or perhaps, something even worse than his thoughts.

The sound of metal against metal brought him out of Terrance. He saw his brother fighting ten foot ninja alone. He growled. 'Why would he fight them all alone?" His mind screamed in frustration and horror.

Because you gave him permission to do so.

 _Oh right, I gave him that..._

Leo's eyes narrowed as he watched his brother's swift movement. He knew Raph was strong, in fact he was even stronger than him, and the only reason he wasn't appointed as the leader is because his temperance and impatient clouded his decision making. And if he is a little bit more calm, then he could take on the role of the leader.

 _And you would be left with nothing..._

Leo shook his head, forcing that though at the back of his mind. He shouldn't think bad of his brothers, rather he should be there to support them. Where do those thoughts came from?

He then heard his youngest brother cheered alongside Donatello. They both approached their older brother, cheering him and congratulating him as if he won some big prize when in fact he just defeated ten ninjas without breaking a sweat.

 _He is better than you..._

 _I know..._

Raph smirked at them as he took on the compliment. He had finally calm down, and he couldn't feel his anger radiating through him anymore. Good thing those worthless ninja appears. Heh, personally he thinks they only appear so he could vent out his anger somewhere, and not on his family.

"Now that you had your fun, let's go back," Leo ordered. 'So, he finally came back huh?' Raph though as he looked at his brother firmed gaze. He always loves bickering with him, and he don't even know why. Perhaps it was their own version of bonding. 'What the shell Raph? Why the sudden emo?' He thought to himself.

He nodded at his brother, silently agreeing for him to lead them back home. Leo got the message and nodded his way towards the right direction. The two brothers followed suit, each with a satisfying grin. For once, there was no fight that broke off with their two older bros before they went back. Usually, after fighting and kicking an enemy, the two of them would bicker at each other first before they headed home. And when they got home, they would fight each other again in the dojo to settle things. Then after being exhausted, go to sleep, and they would continue whatever fight they had the night before on their training when their master put them on pair.

Sighed, such an endless cycle of the two.

All of a sudden, Leonardo stopped in his tracks, eyes darted from left to right as if sensing something. Raph twirled his sais, obviously silently wishing for another fight. "This better be good.." He growled under his breath.

Donatello and Michaelangelo exchanged a few glances before getting into their stance as well, preparing for another fight.

Leo then gestured for them to head on another direction, his face neutral now that he's on his 'fearless leader mode'. They followed suit.

"We should shake them off track. Lose them first. Sorry, bros but we have to endure going such a long trip for now..." Leo said through huffed breathes as he jumped from building to building. His brothers, right behind his back.

"Who are we even trying to shake off, Leo?" Mikey asked. "I think they're foots..." Donnie answered for their leader. "But if it's the foot, don't you think is better to just fight them off instead of betting round' the bushes?" Raph asked, his eyes glaring at their leader.

Leo shook his head. He don't know what came over him, but something inside him screamed that they should prevent a _direct_ encounter with their enemies. It screamed for him to just flight, and never fight. It may looked cowardly to his immediate younger brother, but he knew better than to say no to his instincts.

They jumped around the corner, a manhole insight. Leo smirked as he felt the rush of wind in his face. He could no longer feel the shadows lurking behind their backs. Now, he could finally take his brothers to safety.

Everything was going as plan, until they heard a yelped from their youngest sibling - Michaelangelo.

Everything happened in a blink of an eye, one time Mikey was jumping along the rooftops following his eldest from behind and the next he lay down on the ground, clinching his aching shoulder, a dart sticking from it, and him fighting off the nauseas that threatened to swallow his consciousness and leave him in the dark.

Five seconds, that's all it took for Donnie to rushed to his fallen brother. He immediately checks his pulse, silently praying all the while that the dart that hit his brother wasn't filled with some kind of poison that immediately stopped a person's heart beat, killing them in an instance.

His prayers must have been heard when he felt the normal beating of his brother's pulse. He lay him down and checked the shoulder Mikey kept on clenching. A dart sticks from it. He gently tugged it out and examined him.

"Donnie!" He heard his brother called his name. His head twisted and looked at his two older brothers fighting of some foot ninjas. He got up and put on his stance, willingly defending his fallen brother.

"Donnie! Listen! Get Mikey to safety, we'll cover for you" he heard Leo ordered from a distance. Even though he hates to leave his brothers behind, he had to follow his eldest's orders. He cannot afford to disobey, not now with Leo being in one of his famous 'leader mode'.

He gently lifts up his brother and half carry him by his shoulders. Then, it happened. Donnie felt a pick in his neck and was surprised to see the same dart sticking out from it.

He shook his head to fight off the darkness that threatened to consume his as well. But to no vain. He crashes to the ground together with his younger brother.

Raph heard a loud thud. He kicked the ninja he was fighting with and turn his healed, heading towards the source of it. His eyes widened when he saw his two brothers fallen to the ground.

He lifted Donnie up and saw the dart sticking out from his neck. He pulled it out and threw it away. He lifted both of them up.

From a corner of his eyes, he saw Leo surrounded by foot ninja. He was short on breath and even from a distance, you could see that he was losing his strength.

He then some foot heading for their direction. He stood up and laid his two brothers on the ground.

He had to fight these goons off or they will only follow him home, while trapping his eldest or maybe even capturing him. No, for now they had to stick together.

"Leo!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. Leo's eyes immediately snapped towards their direction. He kicked and pushed the ninja out of his way before heading towards his brothers, all the while Raph covered his tracks.

His eyes momentarily widened when he saw his two younger brothers fallen to the ground. His body tensed.

That's why his mind screamed to just fled. He somewhat predicted that this would happen.

Foot started to flood them with their numbers. Ralph and Leo got into their stance and protected their youngest brothers all the while protecting each other's back.

Raph and Leo went in front of them to protect them.

From behind the shadows, lurks a female ninja, silently watching the whole scene with a satisfied smirk etched on her face.

'Only one dart left...who will it be?' Karai thought as she charged the gun. His father had ordered him to left Leo the only one standing. But, she knew she cared enough for Leo even though she doesn't want to admit it. So she pointed at Leo, obviously disobeying a direct command. No harm would it anyway, just a sudden change of plans. She aimed the gun.

'Hmm...I wonder how Raph'll going to handle this...' She smirked.

The remaining foot, with her command, charge at the two remaining turtle. Leo and Raph fought side by side. Raph, with his high senses quickly defeated his share of enemies - they seemed to only focus on the other one. He then saw the slight glint of dart flashed from a distant. His mind only screamed one thought 'No! Leo!' He made a dash and tackled his brother. The dart hit him instead as they fell to the ground. The foot dodge and landed a few feet away from them.

Leo removed his body from him and lay it gently with his two remaining brother. Karai grimaced as she failed to shot her target. She leaned the heavy gun on her shoulders, like a sack of rice. And emerged from her shadows. Leo still has his back on them, as if daring them to attack him. She snickered at that thought. She decided to taunt him. "Look what we have here...only one turtle left..." She yelled out enough for all to hear. Leo slowly gripped his swords. He turned around and faced them, his eyes still focused on ground. The tension grew, as silence seemed to be the only one making a noise. Karai dropped the gun she held, and drew her swords prepared to for any attack. With one gesture from her, the foot attack the remaining turtle.

A minute passed, and all of the foot who attacked him now lay unconscious to the ground. Karai felt fear crawl on her skin. She gulped as she stares at the eyes of the beast.

Leo stood there, his stance the same. His blue bandana swayed rhythmically to the gash of wind. His eyes showed no mercy to whoever dared to attack his fallen comrade. His muscle tense and his senses high, allowing no room for further mistake.

A growl escapes his mouth as he prepared yet for another attack. Karai found herself drawing closer to the edge, surprisingly afraid of attacking the creature. 'He's a monster!' Her mind screamed as her eyes wondered the bloody concrete. 'He killed them all...' With one dash, she ordered the others to retreat.

Leo had long since prepared himself for a chase, wanting to satisfy his revenge. But a soft moan from own of his brother stopped him. He looked back, his eyes wide and full of horror.

The monster that once overcame him vanished within an instant. His once ferocious eyes reverted to its soft and forgiving ones. He kneeled down; his swords fell down from his grip, and checked his fallen brothers.

As if on cue, the rain suddenly poured down on the earth. Leo glanced up and stared at the black sky as droplets of water fell down from the sky. He poured out all his regrets and pain in one angst scream. He cried and let the rain shower his sins and pain. As if it would all go away.

 _"Well...isn't that noble? What a typical Leonardo thoughts" Raph said, sarcasm was evident on his words._

 _"No! Leo! Stop blaming yourself!" Mikey screamed, even though he knew he couldn't hear him...well, he can't stay silent knowing that his brother was suffering from a blame that doesn't belong to him in the first place._

 _"Leo...oh..why?" Donnie wasn't known for being able to manage his emotions well._

 **Author's Note!** Next chapter would surely be more interesting. Will Leo able found a way to talk to his brothers? After all, no one can solve a puzzle all alone.


	4. 04 Kodak Moments

**_Author's Note!_** So, this time, I'll try to make this chapter more Donatello-centri since I felt like he had been overshadowed by his two brothers lately. Don't worry, I'll make one for Raphael and Michaelangelo too. And maybe one for Master Splinter as well.

 ** _Disclaimer Notice!_** I disclaim the franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they belong to its respective owner. What I do own on the other hand, was the story twist I made. That's all.

 **BLAMES, TEARS, AND REGRETS**

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction

Chapter Four

 **Kodak Moments**

Donnie caught his breath as he engulfed the sight before him. They were standing inside his laboratory; that he had first noticed as soon as his feet touched the familiar ground. But the sight before him, shell! It scared him to the extent that his body was paralyzed with fear.

Lucky for him, he wasn't the one who screamed in panic. No, that was the youngest's job to do so. Michaelangelo screamed his girly scream after seeing the sight. But, who wouldn't?

They saw themselves, their own body, lying lifelessly on three different tables, forming a line. Damn, his laboratory now looked more like a hospital than a research facility. Three similar dextrose were connected on each of their arms. Then there was the sickening sound of their heartbeat on the monitor.

Mikey and Raph were the first to move. He, on the other hand, couldn't since he had found his body frozen from shock.

He saw his two brothers walked near their own beds and examined their own bodies.

Their breathing was normal, at least that's what he conclude. He just hoped that their health was stabilize too.

"Never in my life did I dream to see my body like this. It looked like I'm seeing myself in the mirror!" Even though Mikey sounded like his normal goofy self, he could hear the strain in his voice. Who could blame him? Seeing your body limp on the ground was something you wouldn't get to see every day.

"This is all my fault..." They heard Leo's voice echoed across the room. Donnie shook his head. So predictable for their eldest to blame himself. He saw Mikey choke back his tears. He was about to walk to him and conform him, but Raph beat him to it. 'Oh? I never knew Raph had that side...well, I still think he's closer to Mike than me' he thought as he stare at the Kodak seemed moment of the two. 'What's with all the Kodak anyway?!' Donnie asked himself.

He saw Raph rubbed Mikey's back in circles, whispering words of assurance and comfort as Mikey cried. Mikey was always the crybaby. Or perhaps out of them four, he was the only one who can open up his feelings in the public.

He can never do that. He prefers to let his feelings out when he is in the comfort of his sanctuary. Now, that he found himself inside his laboratory (the one he considered his sanctuary), was it okay for him to cry too?

He looked up and stared at the ceiling of the room. He could see the light bulb lighting up the once darkened room.

Suddenly, they heard another cry. Donnie turned around and was surprised to see Leo...crying. Donnie swore he had never seen his brother cry like this openly.

'Well...he didn't know that you were there...' A little voice at the back of his mind whispered. He nodded, agreeing with the thought.

Leo suddenly started shaking. He hugged his body as tears continue to fall on his cheeks. Donnie could only stare at him as he watched his brother broke down. The other two remaining turtle were startled as well.

 _'It was all my fault...if I had been much stronger back then...'_ They heard Leo's thoughts echoed across the room.

Donnie heard a loud growl from Raph. He saw him clenching his fist in anger. "Damn you Leo!" He yelled as he marched towards my eldest brother. "You! You! Always the noble! Eh?! Why do you always take the blame!" He screamed at our eldest, though both he and we knew that no words of him, no matter how comforting they could be, would reach the ears of the ones who needed them the most.

It was too dramatic, the scene he was forced to watch. It was too dramatic for him. He felt his body goes numb as he stared at his brothers - Leo who was hauling his angst out, Raph who was shouting at him, and Mikey who was crying at a distance staring at his brothers. He, who can't do anything but to stare and watch. Donatello had never felt useless more than he is tonight.

Leo slowly stood up, and their gazes followed him as he walked through Raph (leaving his brother flabbergasted) and into the center of the room, his hand rested atop of the table in which Raph's body laid.

"It should have been me..." We heard him whispered as he stared at our lifeless body.

Don wanted to comfort him there and now, hugged him, run circles on his back and whisper words of comfort. He wanted to do anything! Anything! That would make those tears stop.

He couldn't bear to see their brother that broken, none of them could. But as he approached his eldest, he was yet reminded again of how hopeless there were.

His eldest brother couldn't see him, he couldn't see any of them. He couldn't hear, nor feel their presence.

As if fate wanted to toy with his hope again, Leo turned his head. His eyes were downcast, but Donatello knew that if they weren't, he could have been staring right to him. But, Leo simply shook his head and headed for the door.

Even though he knew Leo's body would simply pass through him, he insisted on moving aside and making a way for his eldest brother.

Their eyes trailing at Leo's back.

'Master Splinter?' They heard his thoughts. Their eyes immediately snapped at the rat standing in front of their brother. Mikey's eyes shone as he stared at their father. "Master!" He yelled as he passed through their eldest and went to hug their father. But, Raph's hand held his shoulder, stopping him. Both Raph and Donnie knew that they couldn't be seen by others. They just don't want Mikey to passed through his as well.

Master Splinter smiled at his eldest and rested his hand on its shoulder. "My son...perhaps the freedom outside may do you good..." Leo's eyes snapped open as he gawked at his father.

'Is he serious?!' They heard his frantic thought. As if reading Leo's thoughts, Master Splinter nodded. Leo shook his head and hugged their father.

Donnie's eyes widened as he heard his father's command. He shouldn't let his eldest brother go out for patrol! He was alone! And freaking depress! What if he got attack? Who will take care of him?! For God's sake! He is your only functioning son! Aren't you even afraid to lose him?!

Raph and Mikey could see their fuming brother. Raph went to his side and tapped him. Donnie's glared turned to him. "Don? What are you thinking about?" Raph asked. "Yeah dude. What's with the panic?" Mikey asked as he approached the two.

Donnie sighed as he pushed his doubt aside. As if reading his thoughts, Raph patted him in the shoulder. "Hey! Its fearless we're talking about! He won't do anything stupid!" He encouraged him with one of his famous grin.

Donnie found himself smiling at him. Mikey went to his side and patted him as well. "Yeah. And we could follow him just to be sure. We could be like...his ghost bodyguard!" Mikey proclaimed, his eyes beamed with excitement. Donnie sighed. "Oh please. Haven't we talked about his before? We're not ghost. We aren't dead yet" Donnie said with faked anger. Raph grinned at the sight his brothers laughing. "Um guys. Leo's leaving" Raph interjected as he saw the door of their lair opened.

Immediately, they followed suit. They watched as Leo jumped from building to building, his eyes dazed and unfocused. It looked like he was just moving out of instinct.

All of a sudden, he halted in front of a building, his breath rigid and rapid. He looked around before sitting down. Donnie looked at his two brothers, silently asking them about what to do next. Mikey sat down beside Leo, while Raph and Donnie followed suit.

"I wish I could tell you how much we hate to see you cry..." Mikey said as he hugged their eldest, well seemed to hug, he made the gesture but he didn't fully circled his arms across their brother's body but instead made a little gap so his arms wouldn't passed through. Donnie smiled. 'Genius' he thought as he stared at his brothers.

Raph stood up, crossed his arms and decided to phase across the rooftop. He didn't want this kind of thing. He didn't want being ignored or not heard. He really wanted to yell at his older brother for being so stupid enough he's hurting himself by taking all the blame. He wanted to smack him in the head, pull his arm, and forced him to fight. Maybe by then, both he and his brother could relax for a moment and forget the troubles of the world.

Ah, who is he kidding? He's the only one who felt relax when adrenaline started to fill his body, and the times he could achieve such things is through the excitement of a fight. And now they're confused on why he's called the _hothead_?

"Taking a vacation?" Their heads snapped to the direction of the voice. All of the turtles' eyes widened when they saw the foot across the roof. In the middle stood with pride and glory, the daughter of the Shredder - Karai.

"How's the family Leo? Missing them?" Karai laughed as she caught the glare of the blue-banded turtle. She jumped and landed few meters away from the turtle, while the other foot ninja encircled him.

She glared at him as he glared back. She drew out her swords at the same time Leo did. Leo stood up and took a protective stance.

"What are you doing here, Karai?" Leo's voice was filled with venom. "What? So you own the whole place now?" Karai teased. She smirked maliciously as she ordered the foot to attack. The members nodded, acknowledging her orders, before performing as they we're told.

Donnie, Mikey and Raph took a defensive stance on instinct, but as soon as their bodies simply touched the foot, shoving them away due to the force, they we're yet again reminded of their helplessness.

Leo fought and stood on his ground as swarm of foot ninjas fought him. They seemed endless! They were coming from different directions! Thank God he took extra trainings everyday or he would have fallen right here right now.

Raph gritted his teeth as he continued to punch the foot ninjas that were fighting his older brother. Even though his actions didn't change anything, at least he was releasing some of his anger.

Donnie stared as his eldest brother, marveled by how much he could endure a fight. On his side were their youngest, clenching his fist together as if offering prayers from the gods above. Even though his eyes we're filled with worry, you could still see a hint of pride and excitement shine through.

 _'I can't...'_ They heard Leo's defeated thoughts as he tried with all his might to keep those foot ninja from him. But the fatigue and exhaustion mixed together with his unstable emotions filled with guilt, was too much for his body to hold.

Against his will, his body soon came to stop. His knees bulged and he fell to the ground. He used his swords to stay conscious and far from the contact of the ground. He was on his knees, but he didn't dare to keep his eyes away from the enemy. The eyes that showed nothing but anger.

The three brothers immediately come to his aid, forming a semicircle to their brother. They could hear their brother's long and huffed breathing. He was exhausted, very exhausted.

The foot ninja didn't waste their golden opportunity and immediately seized the turtle. Raph, Donnie and Mikey tried to fight them off, but to no vain. True, the foot ninja didn't passed through them, but their body pushed them out of the way.

They could only stare as the two ninja lifted each of their brother's arm, while another one pointed a sharp blade at his neck. He was still kneeled on the ground, his swords now kicked meters away from him and two ninjas held his arms.

"Damn it..." Donnie and the others heard him cursed. They couldn't do anything as the foot held their brother captive, they was forced to watch.

Karai slowly emerged from the shadows, a confident smirked on her face. "Look at the mighty Leonardo..." She taunted. "I wonder what would have happen if your brothers were here to join us now..." She twirled the sword she was holding, ridiculing her enemy of his helplessness.

Leo glared. "Leave them out of it" He hissed. Karai ignored his statement and continued on her taunts. After all, her enemy is pinned on the ground, exhausted and surrounded by his subordinates. _What could he possibly do?_

"You know, if they were with us tonight...I would direct these exact words to them" Leo tried to move against his captors. "Leave them out of it!" He yelled through gritted teeth. A foot ninja punched him in the face, obviously not amused by his disrespect towards their master.

Leo spat out blood, but held his glare.

Karai laughed as she saw the looks his brothers' held. Oh yes, she could see them.

"In this game of chase, no matter how smart, how strong.." she chuckled before continuing "or how goofy one can be. You cannot beat us. Because we are always one step ahead of the game" She kneeled down before him and started to touch his cheeks. Leo flinched in her touch and this made her grin grew wider.

"And if they ever...ever...decided to move against our rules..." she grabbed his chin and whispered her next words at his ears.

"I will make them see you suffer..." Her eyes landed on the three invisible turtles standing with their eyes wide and mouth agape. She smirked at their direction before standing up again.

Leo looked at him with eyes wide in confusion. She motioned for one of the foot to knock the turtle off. The foot ninja nodded and did as he was commanded.

"LEO!" She heard the three brothers yelled as they saw their brother's body goes limp and fell to the ground. "I hope you're amused..." she said as she grinned at the turtles.

Raph launched at her. He didn't pass through her, but he also didn't inflict any damage at her. His fist simply collided with her, and she stood there unscathed. She felt like a wall to him.

"Heed this as a warning, turtle. If ever you decided to play against our rule. Next time would make his suffering today looked like a walk in the park. So, no talking okay?" she winked at them playfully, angering Raph further.

She motioned for them to retreat. And within minutes, they disappeared in the shadows.

 **Author's Note!** I'm really sorry if Karai sounded far from her normal self. I guess, I just made her act like one of my favorite villains. Sorry about that. Anyhow, did you find her encounter a Kodak moment? Cause' I did. Leave a review.


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